Rev. olexa  Harbuziuk Legacy

Пастор олекса Романович Гарбузюк

It looks like Olexa was dressed "casually" for a visit to Disneyland in 1972 with Serge Kabanow, a former resident of Chicago.

It seems like nothing less than wearing a suit would do for a relaxing boat ride at the Wisconsin Dells.

У Німеччині / In Germany

   • Ukrainian humor: Two veterinarians are operating on an elephant. After putting in the last stitch, one of the veterinarians looks around and remarks, "Well, this time we didn't leave any instruments inside."

   The other vet then says, "By the way, where is our nurse?"

   • Pastor Harbuziuk recounted this story: Three young boys were bragging about how much money their father makes. The poet's son said: "My father writes a few words, calls it a poem and receives a check in the mail."

   The musician's son said: "My father writes several words, calls it a song and gets a big check in the mail."

   The preacher's son said: "Well, my father talks for several minutes, calls it a sermon, and six men are needed to collect all the money."


   • -- Коли нарешті, ви перестанете спізнюватися? Є у вас будильник?

-- Так, але він завжди дзвонить, коли я сплю.

   • Лікар застосовує до пацієнта метод самонавіювання.
-- Скажіть тричі: "Я здоровий", і відчуєте себе нормально.
Хворий тричі повторює фразу і виліковується.
-- 800 гривень, -- говорить доктор.
Відповідає пацієнт: -- Скажіть тричі: "Мені заплатили."

   • (This one was told by Pastor Harbuziuk at the camp in Canada in the summer of 1994):

Мені пригадується один професор який виховував свойого студента, і одного разу покликав його на іспити і каже:

   “Слухай, молодий чоловіче, коли б перед тобою поставили б дві торби – одна торба з золотом а друга торба з розумом – що ти вибрав би?”
   Той каже: “Зрозуміло, пане професоре, що я вибрав би торбу з золотом.”
   “А я,” каже професор, “вибрав би торбу із розумом. Зрозуміло?
   Студент каже: “Зрозуміло, пане професоре. Що кому бракує, той і те вибирає.”

   • A preacher was completing a sermon on temperance. With great fervor, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
    With even greater emphasis, he said, "If I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
   Finally, he said, "If I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
   He sat down. The song leader stood and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing hymn 365: 'Shall We Gather at the River?'".

• One Sunday a pastor announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we have enough money to pay for our building program. The bad news is that it's still out there in your pockets."

• A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lives. "Oh, she lives at the airport. When we want her, we just go to the airport and get her. Then when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport." 

• A woman marries a man expecting that he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

• Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
Answer: Moses. He broke all Ten Commandments at once.

   • A patient opens his eyes and says, "Doctor, was the operation successful?" The response: "I'm not the doctor; I'm St. Peter."

   • I sure have gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement and new knees. I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, have bouts with dementia and take 30 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. I have poor circulation and hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remembeer whether I'm 86 or 92, and I've lost most of my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license!

   • An elderly woman decided to prepare her will, and she told her pastor that she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated. Second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" The woman replied: "Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."

   • As they were on their way to the church service, a Sunday school teacher asked the children, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" A 6-year-old girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

   • A shy boy who liked a girl in church sat in the same pew one Sunday. He opened the hymnal to the song titled "I Need Thee Every Hour" and passed it to her. She turned some pages and returned the hymnal showing the song titled "God Will Take Care of You."

   • Two elderly buddies are driving to a restaurant. The car goes through a red light, then a second one and a third one. Finally, the passenger says: "John, you've just gone through three red lights." John replies: "Oh. Am I driving?"

   • The teenage boy had just gotten his driver’s license and asked his father when he could start borrowing the family car. “Well, son, first I want to see that you are responsible. So, you need to improve your grades, keep your bedroom clean and cut your long hair.” A few months later, the son shows his report card to his Dad. “I’m proud of you, son, for earning better grades and keeping your bedroom clean. But you still haven’t gotten your hair cut.” “Well, Dad, it seems that Moses, David and even Jesus had long hair.” “And did you notice, son, that they also walked everywhere?”

   • (Chinese humor) Peter walks into a pet shop and says, "I would like to buy 80 cockroaches, 15 spiders and six mice."
Clerk: "May I ask what you need them for?"
Peter: "I'm moving soon, and the rental agreement specifies that I must leave the house in the same condition as when I moved in."

   • In the animal world, what is more amazing than a talking parrot?
Answer: A spelling bee!

   • A mouse in a house is afraid to come out of a hole in the wall because a cat is waiting on the other side, meowing and purring. After a while, the mouse hears "woof, woof" and decides to come out. The cat grabs the mouse, and as it begins putting the mouse in its mouth, the mouse asks, "Where did the 'woof, woof' come from?" The cat says, "It pays to be bilingual."

Some fellow seminarians in Germany persuaded Olexa to put on a fake mustache for some photos. Standing at left is Peter Yunka. Seated third from left is Rev. Dmytro Marychuk.(Thanks to Emily Waniuk, daughter of Peter Yunka, for providing this photo.)

Olexa loved to tell humorous stories and anecdotes. He frequently included a funny illustration in each sermon. He enjoyed sitting around with friends and sharing jokes or funny stories.

(Most of these jokes have no connection to Pastor Harbuziuk. However, we hope that they will elicit a chuckle or cause you to smile.)

   • Sunday after Sunday, a minister had his sermons interrupted by a parishioner who yelled out, “Use me, Lord! Use me!” Finally, one Sunday the minister pulled the man aside and told him that the Lord had answered his prayer: “God would like you to sand down all the pews before next Sunday.” The pastor figured he had heard the last interruption from this congregant. But the next Sunday the man called out again: “Use me, Lord! Use me – but only in an advisory capacity.” (Taken from the book "God and George W. Bush -- a spiritual life" by Paul Kengor)

   • A middle-aged woman suffers a heart attack and is rushed to a hospital. On the operating table, she has a near-death experience and hears the angel of the Lord say, "No, you're not dying. You have 40 more years to live." After recovering, the woman thinks to herself that if she is going to live 40 more years she might as well get a facelift, a tummy tuck and liposuction. After her final surgery, she leaves the hospital with her new appearance but is killed in a traffic accident. When she arrives in heaven, she sees her guardian angel and says, "I'm Mrs. So-and-So. I thought you said I had 40 more years to live." The angel replies, "Oh, I'm sorry, but I didn't recognize you."

   • Did you ever wonder why people pay to go to the top of skyscrapers and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

   •  I remember my father telling this joke: Three boys were bragging about their fathers and the jobs they had. Boy 1 says, My father owns a restaurant, so I can eat for nothing. Boy 2 says, My father is a doctor, so I can be sick for nothing. Boy 3 says, My father is a pastor, so I can be good for nothing.

• Pastor Harbuziuk once recounted this tale: A pastor stepped up to the pulpit one Sunday and began looking in his Bible and in his pockets for his sermon notes. When he couldn't find them, he said: "Brothers and Sisters, yesterday when I finished preparing my sermon, I knew what I was going to preach, and God knew. But I can't find my sermon notes, so now, God only knows what I'm going to say."

   • A small boy says proudly to his father: "Daddy, I know what the Bible means."
"You do? Tell me," the father says.
"That's easy," the boy says excitedly. "It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving Earth."

   • A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife.
   "When you come to the front door of the apartment building, push button 301 with your elbow. I will buzz you in. The elevator is on the right. Get in and with your elbow push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit the doorbell."
   "Grandma, that sounds easy enough, but why do I have to hit all these buttons with my elbow?"
   "What? Are you coming empty-handed?"

   • Driving home from church, the wife says to her husband: Did you see the new dress that Sister Johnson wore to church today?
    Husband: No.
    Wife: Did you see the shoes that Sister Jones wore?
    Husband: No.
   Wife: Did you see the new purse that Sister Smith had?
   Husband: No.
   Wife: A lot of good it does you to go to church!

   • After Sunday school, a little boy asked his friend: "Do you believe that story about Lot's wife looking back and turning into a pillar of salt?"
   His friend replied: "Sure. The other day when my mom was driving, she looked back and turned into a light pole."

   • One Sunday morning, a mother awakened her son and told him it was time to get ready for church.
   "I'm not going," he replied.
   "Why not?" she asked.
   "I'll give you two good reasons," he said. “One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them."
   His mother replied, "I’ll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One, you're 45 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"

   • For "show and tell," a kindergarten teacher instructed each student to bring in an object that represents their religion.

   The next day, the first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin. I am Jewish, and this is a Star of David."

   The second student got up and said, “My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic, and this is a Rosary."

   The third student got up and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Baptist, and this is a casserole."

   • A stingy church member explained to his wife that the pastor promised to show him a miracle for $1,000. "So I donated $1,000 to the church, and the pastor said THAT was the miracle."

How about a chuckle?